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15 January 2007 @ 07:55 pm
I started a new livejournal.
If I meant for you to be added, I added you.
So look for me in your "Friend of" lists.
If I didn't mean to add you, I didn't.
I'm sorry.
15 January 2007 @ 06:27 pm
Remember that actuarial exam I took back in November? Exam FM?
Well, I didn't pass it.
Not that I really expected to pass it.
But oh well.
I tried, right?
08 January 2007 @ 02:05 pm
I'm at work and I'm having a super hard time concentrating right now.

Yesterday I was cold and shivering all day, but then while I was folding my laundry, my body got really hot and started to sweat and I got super shaky. The feeling stayed with me until I fell asleep and this morning I woke up feeling like someone was sitting on my chest. I still don't feel great. All I want right now is to go to the gym and go home.

My friend Ginette found a half marathon (13.1 miles) up in NH on May 12. I think I'm going to train for it. I signed up to go to the informational meeting out in Agawam on January 22. Hopefully it all works out. It would feel great to be able to run that many miles in one day. Right now I'm up to 5-6 comfortably and if I push myself hard, I can do about 7 miles. I still have a long way to go but it's a decent start right?

4 more days until I'm back in Buffalo to see my baby nephew and Dan. I'm really considering taking a sick day on Friday and leaving early on in the day. If Sarah can do it.. and if I can get all my work done by Thursday... I'll do it. If not, I'll come in on Friday and probably take a half day. I just don't see myself wanting to drive after a full day's work.

Okay, time for some afternoon tea... then I need to get more work done. Ugh. Just shoot me.
Current Mood: scaredreally odd.
07 January 2007 @ 08:22 pm
Cat, seeing as I am not sure when I will talk to you again, thank you VERY MUCH for the earrings and the soap. The earrings are positively gorgeous and both of the soaps smell pretty delicious. You're awesome, and it was positively lovely to bake gingerbread cookies (despite their ending texture) and chat all afternoon with you. I can't wait to see you again! Love you!
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
07 January 2007 @ 10:35 am
Life has been pretty good overall. All of the holiday food splurging I did is long since forgotten and I'm back to eating nice and healthy. I also managed to log well over 25 miles in running. It feels really good to be back in my routine.

Last night I went to church with my parents, then we went out to eat. Eating salad with dressing on the side is not as hard as I thought. Then Sarah and I went to see The Holiday. It was quite good. Who doesn't enjoy a good chick flick?

Today I will pay a visit to Miss Muffin (a.k.a. Cat) in good ol' Sturbridge. Christmas presents must be exchanged, as well as tattoo unveilings. I'm excited, especially since I haven't seen this lady since June.

Next weekend is another Buffalo trip. This time Sarah is coming with me. Yay for roadtrips! And an even bigger YAY for getting to see my boyfriend AND my nephew again!! :)

I'm a bit on the bored side. Perhaps I'll go read until it's time to eat lunch and head out. But we'll see. I don't feel like doing that either.

I don't know why you'd care, but I bought two kinds of hummus today: forty spices and sun-dried tomato basil. SUPER YUM.

Okay, enough useless, disconnected rambling.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, everyone!
Current Mood: contentcontent and relaxed.
03 January 2007 @ 07:24 pm
I really miss Dan. I got used to spending every minute with him and sharing a bed with him. It's so weird that he's 400 miles away again. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever, although I know I just saw him on Monday. Hopefully next Friday gets here fast... I think the hardest part has been trying to fall asleep without him next to me. He's just so warm and cozy to sleep with.

Ugh, tomorrow they are apparently serving the actuarial analysts lunch... which means more pizza and cookies. I'm not even going there. I'm just going to bring my usual turkey sandwich and apple. I just started getting back to good eating habits. I'm NOT ruining them again.

Running has felt really good, although I've really had to push myself yesterday and today. Yesterday I think I did about 6 miles and today I did 7 miles. I don't know if I'll run tomorrow or not. I need to see how my legs feel. I might just stay home and use my weights. There's a cool workout in Fitness Magazine that utilizes dumbbells. So maybe I'll do that instead and give my legs a rest. I think 13 miles in 2 days is pretty good.

My mom bought me this super delicious green chai tea as a stocking stuffer. I recommend everyone try it. It's soooooo good.

Cat, is it okay if I come see you on Sunday rather than Saturday? Let me know, although I can still do Saturday if need be. But Sunday would be easier. Just let me know!!

I think I may go read. I'm currently reading "Circle of Friends". I read it in high school and now I'm reading it again. I sort of wish it were over. I still have about a 1/3 of the book left to go I think and I don't want to be a quitter and just stop. I don't really remember how it ends so I'm a little curious. ::sigh::

Enough rambling.
Good night, kids. :)
Current Mood: tiredtired
01 January 2007 @ 09:12 pm
Whoa whoa whoa, 2007!!! Where did you come from??
This is the first time in a long time when the start of the new year actually FEELS like a fresh start.
I'm excited to see where this year takes me.

1. I will run at least 25 miles a week.
2. I will eat healthy foods on a regular basis and stick to the high-fiber diet I've been told to do but [try] not [to] feel bad when I indulge.
3. I will maintain stronger relationships and bonds with my friends and family.
4. I will avoid most alcohol, except for maybe the occasional glass of wine on special occasions.
5. I will make sure to help out more around the house and keep my bathroom and room clean on a weekly basis.
6. I will go back to church and rebuild my relationship with God.
7. I will make sure to see my GP, the dermatologist, and my dentist at some point.
8. I will FINALLY seek emotional help.
9. I will put more effort and stability into my relationship with Dan and try to be more understanding so as not to start little fights about stupid things.
10. I will try not to worry/stress so much and just relax.

2007, bring it on.
Current Mood: busybusy
29 December 2006 @ 01:02 pm
Here I am, writing an entry in Buffalo. I think the last time I did this was in September. But alas, it won't be very long. I have things to do.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas... or whatever you celebrate. I did, except for the fact that my parents (specifically my mom) annoyed me alllllll day. But that's okay. I enjoyed spending Christmas Eve with Dan's family playing Cranium and eating lots of COOKIES. Mmmmmmm.

I've been trying to keep up with my running but it's a little hard without a treadmill. Plus, the freezing temperatures aren't very helpful either. :( But I have run a little everyday except Wednesday.. granted, it hasn't been 5 miles a day like I'd prefer but I guess I'll let it slide. I mean, afterall, I'm on vacation.

OH! And I'm FINALLY an aunt. My sister gave birth to a baby boy yesterday (December 28) at around 4:30ish. He's positively adorable. I keep forgetting that he's my nephew. It's a little strange to be an aunt but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

I probably won't update again until the new year so I hope everyone enjoys their entry into 2007. I think I'll be at a dinner party, sipping champagne and cursing my heels for hurting my fresh foot tattoo (which I'm getting tomorrow!!!!).

Love you all! :)
Current Mood: weirdweird
22 December 2006 @ 09:01 pm
In the past two days I:
-washed 4 loads of laundry.
-baked one batch of cookies.
-finished my Christmas shopping.
-wrapped most of my Christmas presents.
-(over)packed for Buffalo.
-closed one of my savings accounts.
-opened a 14-month CD.
-dropped off and picked up my dry cleaning.
-got my nails done.
-painted my toenails.
-ran over 14 miles.
-read 3 chapters in my book.

Yeah... I've been busy.
Needless to say, I'm pretty goddamn tired.
Time to go relax... gotta get up early tomorrow and run before disappearing in Buffalo for 10 days!

Current Mood: busybusy
21 December 2006 @ 09:16 pm
For the last two days, I feel like all I've eaten are cookies, cookies, cookie dough, and more cookies. I feel horrible right now, both emotionally and physically. I don't know what happened. I was doing so good in the last few months... but between work and home, I'm surrounded by cookies, cake, and chocolate, and I keep eating it all. I can't stop. I don't know what is going on. And I know... blah, blah, blah... "it's the holidays." I'm sorry, but that doesn't work for me. And I know, I'm crazy.. and I need help.. I'm aware of all this. But until I'm able to get help [which won't happen until after January], I don't know how to control both the sugar cravings AND the guilt that follow them. I can tell, Dan is starting to get fed up with me... he's got to pull me back off the ledge every time I eat something "bad"... which has been a lot in the past two days. I don't know what to do... I have no idea... none at all. The easy thing to do would be to just not give in to the cravings in order to save both mine and Dan's sanity. But in the moment the cookie or the cake or the candy is within my reach, I think to myself, "Hey, I'll be okay... just eat it." But as soon as I'm done the last bite, INSTANT REGRET. I fly off the handle. Ugh. Ugh. UGH. I'm sorry, but I can't help but hate myself right now. I hate for how I keep making myself feel... for the position I'm putting Dan and everyone else around me in.

Please, please, please. If you're going to comment, please don't remind me that I need help. I know I do. I'm completely aware. But I don't need everyone to remind me how damaged I am... how crazy... how irrational... how broken. I know I'm all those things. You don't need to drill it any further.
Current Mood: guiltyI feel so alone.